Sandy Hook...

I am truly at a loss for words. Everyone is. The same words keep being repeated. HorribleUnbelievableTragicHeartbreakingBut none of these words really seem to work. There's no word that truly fits the feeling. Shock HorrorSadnessHelplessnessWe are all these things, and more. And we are a nation in grief. Even though most didn't know these children and these families, it's impossible not to look at our own beloved children and see their faces in the faces of the Sandy Hook children.

It's too hard to fathom. Working in an elementary school myself, I can't help but imagine it happening there. I know what could and would happen. I know myself and the people I work with. I don't think there is one who would not get between a shooter and their students. I don't think there is one who, like the principal and counselor at Sandy Hook, wouldn't have run towards the sound of gunfire.

It's a cliche, but our children are a precious resource. They are far more precious than the right to own a combat weapon. Nobody needs a Bushmaster rifle to protect their home or their property.

Some people, including myself, like to joke about "the coming zombie apocalypse", but it's not going to happen, and in reality, nobody needs to be able to fire 30+ rounds. If you want to disagree, fine. But you will not change my mind on this. If it comes to a choice between saving lives and having combat weapons, I'm going with lives every time. Some like to say "He could have done it anyway, even if that gun was illegal.", as if a crime must be 100% prevented for a preventative law to be passed.

I don't know the answer. But I do know that it's multifaceted. There is more than one problem that needs to be treated. The fact that agree this happened, people ran out to buy up Bushmaster rifles points to what our true problem is. The worship of violence has to stop. It HAS to!

TM, GZ, FL, hoodies, Skittles, and the whole damn mess we're trying to ignore...

I've started this and abandoned it, started, abandoned, several times. A sure sign that something is bothering me, and I need to finish it.

Some of my students, from kindergarten on up through 5th grade, wear hoodies. Actually, that's not true. MOST of my students wear hoodies. I have to make them take their hoods off sometimes. I joke "It's not raining in here!" They laugh. We go on with whatever it is we were doing. Now I am afraid I will always think in the back of my mind an additional caution that I can never speak.

"You could get killed for that."

Ironic, because sometimes they will wear their hoodies, hoods up on warm, beautiful days because they want to hide from something. Something has upset them, and they don't want to talk to or look at anyone. To me, they look much more like turtles than tough guys.

What I do know of some of their home lives would send most adults running and screaming to jump in a river. They see it as a shield of sorts. Armor. A bulletproof jacket that will shield them from all teasing, abuse, and pain. If only it really worked.

This kind of thing keeps me up at night. I know it shouldn't. I know what my mom would say "Just don't think about it. Don't read those stories. You do what you can." Etc. And she is right. But not worrying is just not in my nature, just as sleeping doesn't appear to be. If I didn't think about this stuff, something else would be keeping me awake.

With all the bile and vitriol I've read, I can't help but hurt my heart. It's just an article of clothing. The imaginary conversation goes like this:

"What is "suspicious" about a damn hood? "

"Well, you know, criminals wear hoodies."

"Yes, criminals also wear tennis shoes and underwear."

"But I wear tennis shoes and underwear too. No, tennis shoes and underwear are not suspicious, hoodies are suspicious."

"But I wear hoodies, and I'm a 40 year old white woman. I think I own three, actually. And I've never been arrested for anything."

"Well, oh come on. You know what I'm talking about."

And the true answer is no, I don't. I truly do not. Hoodies are not specific to one segment of the population.  Their ubiquity is undeniable to anyone with their eyes open. Oh if only more people would open their eyes. That goes for a lot of things, obviously. Not just hoodies.

(This is not one of my students)  copyright - Daily misery

Children are killed every day in this country, and for no reason. I should just shake my head, tsk tsk, and go on my way like a Good American. Of all the kids killed over nothing, this one, and the response I've seen to it, just seems emblematic of the entire problem. We do not value our young.

Oh sure, people value their own children, and their friends children, and the other children in their extended families. But in general, as a whole, America does not see it's children as a high priority. Our attitudes towards education (treating it as a rainy day fund for political promises) and health care ("young and healthy" people don't need no stinkin' health care dangit!) are prime examples. 

On the other hand, we also treat our elderly like crap. I ask you, dear internets, what nation can survive if it treats both it's elderly and it's young like trash? 

No wonder I don't sleep. I suppose I'll have to come back to this topic, I feel this could be better expressed. But because I am still expected to show up for work in the morning, I'm going to turn the lights out and toss and turn for a few hours.